Jessica Chobot Interview

Calling All Nerds (CAN): My first video game experience was getting a ZX Spectrum for Christmas and playing Super Gran. It was a shit game, but at the time I thought it was amazing! I was controlling something on the fucking TV and it was awesome. What was your first gaming experience?

Jessica Chobot (JC): My first experience was playing games like River Raid on our Atari 2600. I spent HOURS trying to blow up those fuel tanks! Our time was rather limited too, since we were always being told to “go outside and play.” Little did my parents know that all that gaming would pay off for me in the long run!

CAN: Do you still play or own any old school retro games and consoles? If so which ones are your favourites? (If you have a ZX Spectrum and a mint copy of Super Gran I’ll be impressed)

JC: The only system I currently own at my house is a limited-edition powder blue Hello Kitty Dreamcast imported from Japan. It’s my pride and joy! I no longer play on it (I forgot how much those controllers suck) and just have it on display. It still works though. My parents still have our old SNES & N64 w/ games. Wouldn’t surprise me in the least if we were to find that old Atari up in the attic either.

CAN: If I could be any 8-bit character I would be Wonderboy because I would love to get away with just wearing a loin cloth and having that blonde mop of hair. Who would you be?

JC: I guess I would choose Princess Toadstool from Super Mario Bros. 2. I just loved how adorable her dress bopped along as she walked.

CAN: Is it time for the Mario Bros to shave off the tash? They look like a couple of rejects from the village people. No one can pull off a moustache, ok except for Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I.)

JC: No way man! ‘Staches are back. I mean, all you have to do is walk around San Francisco to see how obviously rad and popular they are! ;-D (note my sarcasm).

CAN. Should Link give up saving Princess Zelda. She is clearly a cock tease. He is risking his life time and time again and gets nothing in return.

JC: As much as I love LoZ, I am 100% over Link constantly dealing with Zelda. I was especially disappointed in how much of a total snot she was towards him in Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Talk about a harpy! Link should find someone who appreciates him better.

CAN: I cried for a week after finishing Rocky on the SEGA Master System, 3 fucking fights and it was over. Has a video game ever made you cry?

JC: Yeah. Shadow of the Colossus made me cry BIG TIME. Once I had gotten to the end and realized what I had done, my soul was crushed.

CAN: I remember coming across a photo of you licking a PSP. I asked my girlfriend (at the time) to lick my PSP. Not knowing what a PSP was she punched me in the face and called me a pervert. I only wanted to know what it taste of. Can you believe how much that picture blew up when it came out?

JC: At the time (when it was first released), it tasted of advancing technology and promise. Nowadays, sadly, it tastes of broken dreams and disappointment.

CAN: I think one of the worse computer game characters is Dizzy, he is a fucking egg with boxing gloves and all he does is jump about. If you’re an egg the last thing you should be doing is somersaulting all over the place, that’s just asking for trouble. In your opinion what is the worst video game character you’ve come across?

JC: I absolutely HATE HATE HATE the main characters (Rash, Zitz and Pimple) in Battletoads. HATE THEM SO FRIGGIN’ MUCH!!!!!!

CAN: I think the reason Tomb Raider was such a big hit on the Playstation was because it was played by teenage boys and they loved looking at her massive tits. Do you think dropping Lara’s bra sizes will affect sales of the new Tomb Raider game?

JC: I certainly hope not. While I’m not even going to try and deny that there was a certain level of chauvinistic drooling over Lara’s chest back in the day, I think that guys (and gals) really played it for the fantastic game play experience. If it was just T&A then people would have continued to play even though the games started going downhill. If anything, I hope this realistic “modern” Lara approach breathes new life into the franchise and a character that I see as lacking in the respect that she deserves to be shown.

CAN: If I could re release any old game it would have to be Superman 64, so that a new generation of gamers can go through that god awful bag of shit of a game like I had to do. What retro game would you re release and why?

JC: I am VERY into horror genre games but haven’t really found one I’ve liked since Silent Hill 2. That’s why I think maybe bringing in something like, 7th Guest would be perfect! Re-vamping/updating it for the current or next-gen consoles would be a great way to go. My only concern would be that “they” (whoever “they” are), would take the easy route and make it all about shooting/blood & guts & gore and not the finesse of a more Hitchcock-ian approach that would really do a title like that justice.

CAN: It must be difficult to be taken as a serious gamer with your good looks. I mentioned to a friend that I was interviewing you and he said “what? that fit bird that pretends she plays games”. What do you have to say to all those people that think you are just another ‘booth babe’?

JC: I have nothing to say to them. I stopped trying to fight those battles a long time ago. It wouldn’t matter if I was sitting next to them on a couch and playing, it still wouldn’t be enough. So I just don’t bother. They’re not worth it.

CAN: You started out working at Gamestop. I started out working at Just Micro. You licked a PSP and went onto work for IGN, I licked my fingers after a packet of chips and went on to sit behind a desk drawing medical diagrams………..PLEASE CAN YOU GET ME A NEW JOB.

JC: It’s all about networking, being at the right place at the right time and just putting yourself out there as much as possible. If you do all that and it’s still not working out for you, then it’s best to think outside the box and come up with your own thing. Honestly, that’s even better since that way you can be your own boss.

CAN:. My wife thinks I play far too many video games. She doesn’t actually say it, but I can tell by the way my controllers keep going missing. Do you have any advice? To note, getting a new wife isn’t an option, I couldn’t afford it!

JC: Hmmm…maybe have a sit down and tell her that this is something that you enjoy and, as an adult, she should understand that you should be able to use your free time as you see fit. (If you get a divorce, it’s not my fault).

CAN: Now that your a mum. Is this gonna mean you will be hanging up the joypads for a while?

JC: No. This just means I have to find the perfect position to strap that child to my chest so that I can breastfeed while still having both hands on the controller.

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