Dominik Diamond Interview

Calling All Nerds (CAN): It’s known you’re a massive Sensible Soccer fan, is that because you just can’t control the amazing Kick off 2?

Dominik Diamond (DD): That’s funny. You are right – part of the reason Sensi initially appealed to me is that I couldn’t do diddly with Dino Dini’s offering. I think there was one way I could kick it back then boot it long from the kick off and head it to score but that was it. But Sensi was far more intuitive, fun and humour-filled.

CAN: Do you have a golden Joystick?

DD: Outrageously no. I have often been asked that question. I have still to find an amusing way to answer it.

CAN: I had a tattoo done by Dave Perry (now runs a tattoo studio). Half way through I mentioned Mario 64 and he went berserk, he nearly ripped my fucking arm off. Now not only do I have a shit £100 quid tattoo, but I need to pay another £200 quid to get it removed, so I figure that’s £300 quid you owe me. How would you like to pay that cash or cheque?

DD: That question is even funnier than the incident that kicked the whole thing off. Top work Lee. What was the tattoo of? I hope it was Celine Dion as a shark.

CAN: There was a rumour that an episode of Gamesmaster got cancelled because Patrick Moore didn’t turn up for filming. Apparently he was having a wank over a new star he found. Can you confirm this?

DD: Yes. It was all about Uranus.

CAN: What are your top 3 games of all time?

DD: Sensible Soccer for Gameplay
Final Fantasy VII because it’s the only game I’ve been so emotionally involved in I’ve cried.
Deus Ex for the whole big sci fi geek concept.

CAN: Why did you disappear for that one series? And did Hacksaw Jim Duggan tell anyone he was gonna scare the shit out of all them kids?

DD: I was a bit activist and didn’t fancy McDonalds much back then. Hacksaw was just an impenetrable wall of noise. It was tricky to decipher any linguistic particulars.

CAN: If he could bring GamesMaster back what would be the theme of the series?

DD: Zombie Apocalypse or Pirate Ship or Cake Factory with cakes shaped like bums, boobs and penisses.

CAN: Did you set Dave Perry up like a kipper or was he just really shit at games?

DD: I think he was pretty good at games. Just not on that day on that particular game. Like Scotland in the 1978 World Cup in Argentina. There was no setup. But I’m genuinely sorry for all the shit we gave Dave over the years. It seemed funny at the time. But then so did Home Improvement. He was a bit of a dick at the time but who wasn’t back then? I certainly was.

CAN: There were always some nice birds on the Gamesmaster, did you get any after show action wink wink?

DD: I enjoyed the company of some ladies in the earlier series before I met my lovely wife, but sadly not Zoe Ball.

CAN: What is your favorite old school console and what console do you currently own?

DD: Favorite ever was the Neo Geo because it was so big, chunky and utterly bling. Now I have Xbox 360, PS3 and Wii like everyone else. The Xbox 360 and Wii are in two of the kids’ rooms. The PS3 is in the den. That’s the one I mostly play.

CAN: Fancy a game of Fifa 17? What’s your gamer tag?

DD: ddQ107 is my tag – initials plus name of my Canadian radio station. I actually played my first ever FIFA online game at the weekend and won 1-0. It was rather exciting and I am currently in Division 10 of that World League thing they have. This makes me around 145,344th in the world. Or Top 10 in Canada.

CAN: Do you think there is a place for porn in video games?

DD: Nope. Because we only have two hands.

CAN: Its late, should I carry on playing Sensi or go and have sex with girlfriend? If I carry on playing what excuse can I give her in the morning?

DD: Play on. There is more chance of a global electricity shortage tomorrow than a global lady shortage. Say you were busy penetrating the box with 10 other little men and got carried away. I don’t see how anything can go wrong with that excuse.

CAN: I once asked the Gamesmaster for a cheat and the tip he gave me never worked. So I had to spend month trying to finish the game the hard way, which made me miss a lot of school and in the end resulted in me getting kicked out. Now I have a poorly paid job because of my lack of education and a crappy one bedroom flat that smells. I wanna know Is Patrick Moore really qualified to answer these question, did anyone check his game playing skill before he got the job, because I think he knows fuck all about game cheats and must have lied on his interview.

DD: What does the flat smell of? If it’s cinnamon then you should thank Sir Patrick because that it is a lovely smell. Also change your name to Apathetic Lee and see if that helps.

CAN: Who had the best mullet Jaz Rignall or Pat Sharp? Where you ever tempted to go for the ginger mullet?

DD: Jaz Rignall, as well as being one of the loveliest guys in the industry, also had the finest hair. Not just in mullet terms. But all hair terms. It’s like Crufts how a dog wins one category and goes on to become Grand Champion? Jaz would beat Pat Sharp in the Mullet category then go on to meet the winners in the Perm, Flat Top, Skinhead, Curtain and Quiff categories. And be pronounced Grand Champion.

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